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Is family really that important?

#1 User is offline   ElyriaCrowley Icon

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Posted 25 March 2014 - 09:58 AM

My whole life, I've kind of been a loner. I was a "nerd" growing up, a tomboy, the weird one. I had four really close friends from kindergarten up to high school. Then in high school, I would have one (possibly two) really close friends for about a year, then we'd have a falling out and I'd find a new close friends. Even now, I have one friend. He's been one of my really good friends for twenty years, and although he has the emotional depth of a puddle and I don't get much support from him, he's still important to me.

My relationship with my family is nearly nonexistent. I'm close with my mom but not with my dad, sister, stepmom or stepsisters. I've never really been close to them. We're all really different, and since I was always a "different" kind of child/teen, they found it easy to shut me out and our relationship never recovered from it.

But when I look online, I see things that say "Nothing matters except your family." And it's everywhere. Silly things even. Like I took a silly witch quiz online that said, "You're going to a desert island -- what do you bring?" Two of the choices had to do with family -- because they're the most important.

Says who?

I guess being someone who's never been surrounded by a lot of people, it's easy for me to think they aren't important. "Blood is thicker than water" they say. "Family comes first" other people say. But why? Just because you're born into their family doesn't mean they're right for you -- that they're good for you. Blood doesn't mean anything to me. If I'm going to have a family, I want to make my OWN family. And I have -- my boyfriend tells me all the time that we have our own family with the two of us and our cats. And maybe that's what they mean, people that feel like family are the most important.

But I still don't understand why it's the MOST important. Shouldn't I be the most important thing in my life? Me and my happiness and my career? Why should I not do something just because my family doesn't want me to? Why should I allow my stepsisters in my wedding out of obligation when I know they don't want to be involved? Why should I stop dating someone because my family doesn't like them or not move somewhere because my family wants me to stay?

I know people that are so driven by their family and their families opinions that they won't do anything without their support and approval. I guess I just don't understand..

Do you think family is the most important thing in life? Or is it something else?
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#2 User is offline   brioche Icon

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Posted 25 March 2014 - 02:17 PM

The family we are born into is where most of our personal development needs to be done. The same with the family we create with marriage. I also come from a family where we have a hard time getting along. Its hard when the relationships have been difficult for most of your life. I also have a ton of relatives that make me wish I came from a small family sometimes or at least lived at a far enough distance where they wouldn't know what's going on in my life. Blood is supposed to be thicker than water but.... They're the ones who are there no matter what or where you go. They will still be there. To have lifelong friends who stick with you no matter what would also be great and some people have those. I guess in an emergency situation, if you had to pick between friends and family, you're expected to pick family first, then friends.

In terms of major life decisions, you get the last say on what happens. That's what I learned from my experience. You can listen to them and stay put but in the end it's your life. They'll be happy if you listened to them, but will you? It's not worth listening to if it means you becoming miserable. If you become miserable, no matter how hard they or anyone tries, you will not become happy until you do what you want to do. Your soul knows what you need to be doing and when you don't do it, you become unhappy. If you keep avoiding the feeling inside you, you will become miserable.

About your wedding plans, I don't see why you should have your stepsisters in your wedding if you guys aren't close at all. Have you asked them though and let them know that if they don't want to it won't hurt your feelings? They'll probably be happier as regular guests.

You've made your decision. Life will go on. Either way it's an experience for you to learn from.
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#3 User is offline   MissMe85 Icon

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Posted 26 March 2014 - 05:55 AM

I believe "family" is a term that can be apply to more relationships than just the traditional family. Family are the people around you that you trust and hold closer than everyone else. It's ok if they aren't society's traditional term for family. Personally, I believe that one's happiness is what is most important. If you're happy then your "family" will love and respect that regardless :) We can't choose the families we are born into. The beautiful thing about family is that it's possible to create our own. Hold your head high that you DO have a family even if they aren't blood :)
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Posted 28 March 2014 - 04:41 PM

Family family family.

How truely important it is.
To always rememebr and respect the impressions they have had on your life and how much they have tried to improve yours, even if they failed, or what kind of example they left for you of the world that you may reach out with a true measure of inteligence in the ways the world acts and responds.

Respect the impressions you have on their lives, and understand how you are involved in the loneliness that is their lives.

This is what it means to HONOR YOUR PARENTS.


their opinions may not always be right, adn you should not always listen or exhault them, but listen and learn, and respond appropriately for you should know them well enough to give an answer to which their reaction, in character, is determinable and thus educated.


Family is not more important than your actions. Help the world, even if that means help yourelf. (Yourself / career)

Respect God above your parents, so respect your heart, because that is where you find Christ. (You/emotions)

Respect others, so do not always say your parents are right when they judge them, (myself / your emotions)

and keep in mind everyones struggles. (God/ happiness)


Family is nice because theya re the ones on whom you can depend. because friends may not always house you, or feed you if you stick around. They do not pay for school, or your car, or leave you an inheritance. It is importamnt to love your family. But those who do not share your faith...
I love family. But God comes first. God lives in everyones Heart. but learn that when he is not shining in their hearts that your actions are not valued like those of a richteous heart, so do not feel obligated to decline your help and love, but the way you offer it. And everyone can be family. because they will all repay you for your kidness adn then the world beomes your home.
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#5 User is offline   ElyriaCrowley Icon

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Posted 29 March 2014 - 04:23 AM

I suppose I simply loath that people think if you aren't close to your family, then you have nothing. I'm not close with my family. I never WILL be close with my family. I appreciate everything they've done to help me, but I also am bitter for everything they've done to try to stand in the way of my happiness.

Many believe that family is family and they should be important to you no matter what. I guess I'm here to challenge that theory, because I have been trying my whole life to become close with my family, to no avail. And I refuse to be a member of a family that doesn't value me as a person. I'll make my own family because blood means nothing to me.
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#6 User is offline   Moopurple Icon

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Posted 29 March 2014 - 09:11 AM

I think it should be dependent on the experiences of the person. My family is extremely important to me. They are not my closest friends nor do I tell them everything, but they are always there for me and I for them. As really, in my eyes they are the most permanent feature in my life and that has always been the way it is, even if difficulties pop up.

However, I don't fault a person for not having that type of family life. In the end it is human interaction. Blood is just a matter of shared genes.
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#7 User is offline   Angel Soul Icon

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Posted 29 March 2014 - 11:18 AM

You see family means something different to me. I didnt realize how important my mother was and how she was my "rock" until she died.

My dad has had health problems, and despite difficulties with his parenting when I was younger he has mellowed and he is very important to me now.

My grandparents and most of my aunts and uncles have now passed.

My sisters are very important to me, and one of them is seriously ill.

My ex husband, my stepson and my daughter were the most important family to me and one point, for a long time they were my world.. Now my daughter is still the most important thing to me in the world, but I have stronger appreciation, love and respect too for my sisters and my dad. I dont see my ex and rarely my stepson, nor do I see his side of the family much now (one or two of those Im quite pleased about).

My pets are part of my family too. One of my rabbits died last year. My dog needs more of my attention, he is the "baby" of the family now.

Some of my friends I have known so long, and some others I feel as if I have know so long, and they feel like family too. You can love your friends unconditionally, like you can your family.

Partners come and go, but true friends and family remain.

What I am saying is a family is an ever changing thing. It grows, it changes shape, it diversifies into many directions.

Family is very very important to mePosted Image
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#8 User is offline   philosophersgate Icon

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Posted 29 March 2014 - 11:32 AM

View PostChamuel, on 29 March 2014 - 11:18 AM, said:

You see family means something different to me. I didnt realize how important my mother was and how she was my "rock" until she died.

My dad has had health problems, and despite difficulties with his parenting when I was younger he has mellowed and he is very important to me now.

My grandparents and most of my aunts and uncles have now passed.

My sisters are very important to me, and one of them is seriously ill.

My ex husband, my stepson and my daughter were the most important family to me and one point, for a long time they were my world.. Now my daughter is still the most important thing to me in the world, but I have stronger appreciation, love and respect too for my sisters and my dad. I dont see my ex and rarely my stepson, nor do I see his side of the family much now (one or two of those Im quite pleased about).

My pets are part of my family too. One of my rabbits died last year. My dog needs more of my attention, he is the "baby" of the family now.

Some of my friends I have known so long, and some others I feel as if I have know so long, and they feel like family too. You can love your friends unconditionally, like you can your family.

Partners come and go, but true friends and family remain.

What I am saying is a family is an ever changing thing. It grows, it changes shape, it diversifies into many directions.

Family is very very important to mePosted Image

Nice post. :)
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#9 User is offline   ElyriaCrowley Icon

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Posted 29 March 2014 - 01:02 PM

View PostChamuel, on 29 March 2014 - 11:18 AM, said:

What I am saying is a family is an ever changing thing. It grows, it changes shape, it diversifies into many directions.

Family is very very important to mePosted Image


Very well said. :wub: I like your definition a lot.

I suppose that helps put things into perspective for me. Because while my sister was a major factor in my life before, she isn't so much now. My mom is my best friend, along with my friend of fifteen years. And recently, my mom made a friend who is around my age, who now calls me her big sister. My boyfriend has been in my life for fourteen years, and he's just as much family to me as my three cats.

Thank you for your insight. :) I feel better already.
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#10 User is offline   Chiili Icon

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Posted 30 March 2014 - 12:10 PM

Well said Chamuel. I like and agree with your definition whole heartedly. Admittedly I may not be as close to some members in my family but I still consider them important and friends are a special kind of family. As those are the people who God/Universe had sent to me to accompany me on my journey through this life. I still remember my wedding day as not just a special day for me and my husband but also because it included close friends and friends that had a positive impact on my life even if that relationship wasn't as long as others. I love some of my family, especially my nuclear one and all the other ones as well :)
Magic by Shel Silverstein

Sandra's seen a leprechaun,
Eddie touched a troll,
Laurie danced with witches once,
Charlie found some goblins' gold.
Donald heard a mermaid sing,
Susy spied an elf,
But all the magic I have known
I've had to make myself.

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#11 User is offline   RainyDay Icon

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Posted 23 April 2014 - 02:32 AM

The most important person is my life is my best friend that I've known since I was 4 years old. We've known each other almost 25 years. We met each other in kindergarten and we grew up like sisters, practically living at each other's houses and spending the night. It seemed we spent every waking moment together. We were always very close and still are and I'm so grateful for this relationship. Without her, I think it would have been much more difficult to get through my life. She has been a great distraction from negative things going on in my life, and she says she feels the same way about me. We've shared so many great memories.

She's really the only family I have. I didn't have much of a family growing up, ya know, the people I lived with. My mom and dad stayed together for a while before splitting. I never saw any affection between the two of them, just fighting. I never got much affection from them myself. My mom was cold & distant and my dad was verbally abusive. Today, I'm a very affectionate person though. I had three older brothers growing up that tormented me. I never had a bond with them. I longed for a sister, which I guess I did have in my best friend. She's the only person that is always there for me, that I can count on, doesn't judge me, and knows every single embarrassing and delightful thing about me.
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#12 User is offline   ElyriaCrowley Icon

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Posted 23 April 2014 - 03:03 AM

Rainy, I'm starting to think we're the same person... lol
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#13 User is offline   RainyDay Icon

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Posted 23 April 2014 - 04:12 AM

View PostElyriaCrowley, on 23 April 2014 - 03:03 AM, said:

Rainy, I'm starting to think we're the same person... lol


=] Yeah, first the soul mate imposter, now this.. I noticed you also said that you always have one close friend. That's how I am. I need that intimacy. I don't like having a lot of friends or acquaintances. I just need one person. It was always my best friend up until after high school. Then in college, we both started dating so then my best friend really became whoever I was dating at the time. While my best friend (she should really have the title sister) is still there for me and knows everything about me, we're just not as close as we used to be. We don't see each other everyday now. She's married and I'm not in a relationship. So I'm really missing that piece from my life right now- that one person, the person I'm most intimate with.
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#14 User is offline   Angel Soul Icon

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Posted 28 April 2014 - 04:02 AM

Quote

While my best friend (she should really have the title sister)


perhaps you could call her a soul-sister?Posted Image
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